You have just worked 16 hour a day only to find out that your best friend is sleeping with your husband. You are waiting outside the hotel where they are staying. You are tired and want to make sure you don’t miss them due to fatigue. You are in no mood for nonsense.
You are a struggling entrepreneur who is waiting for that babe that normally comes between 1pm and 3:30pm. Money never reach but you passed GCE Maths with distinction and realise that the 100 naira extra on top of espresso cost whilst ridiculous (N100 for a sachet of pure water!!!) will get you 2 hours extra free wi-fi, AC and electricity if you take strategic sips.
Your madam sent you to buy a coffee for her but you forgot the name of the drink. You ask the innocent-looking barista for what you ordered yesterday. It was a latte but what’s an extra N700 when the barista needs to meet her daily targets. This is the first and last time you will make this mistake.
Iced Caramel Macchiato
This law student has been toasting you for too long. He is a nice guy and you don’t want to post him too harshly. You order this drink as a warning to him hoping the expense will deter more advances.
You are of sensitive palate and disposition and keen on better living. You are aware that Nigeria can’t produce enough milk locally and imports from obodo oyibo but insist on your favourite cafe stocking soy milk as proof of our undying loyalty. When you are having a bad day you insist on almond or coconut milk.
Well now you know and rest assured that your friendly barista will always be available to remind you of which drink suits your situation. That’s all from us, keep eating and drinking please – school fees are around the corner and you can always reach us at any of our social media handles.
Cafe Neo Big Boys