Intellectual Monkeys

June 11, 2016

Wonders shall never end!!!

In what is deemed to be a first, a group of intellectual monkeys are alleged to have recently made Neo @ Paloo’s their habitat much to the bemusement and chagrin of regular customers. Interestingly these exotic creatures have taken human form (a la Fela’s “animal in human skin”) and, nourished by a steady stream of Eva water and Reel Fruit’s nuts, these creatures have shown an amazing propensity to surf the internet for long stretches of the day without leaving their seats.

We became aware of this phenomenon when we received a very angry and emotional call from a customer:

“I think it’s pure exploitation – clearly Cafe Neo is struggling for customers at its Ikoyi location. Using our simbian cousins to do “rent-a-crowd” is shameless. And to only feed them water and mixed nuts for 8,9, sometimes up to 10 hours really is the depth of desperation and cruelty to animals”

Our brand is important to us and we take customers’ complaints very seriously so we we asked Cafe Neo’s new CEO, Dele Akinyemi to respond to allegations. “Clearly this is unfounded but something is definitely going on. National Geographic had reached out a week ago to do a piece but I assumed it was a hoax. I can confirm that we do have regular visits from mammals (they are definitely not monkeys) who have a diet of only water and nuts. We are still trying to find a lingua franca to communicate with them but my goal as CEO is to reassure them that all the other 27 items on the menu can be bought and will be nourishing. At this point I would like to put a request out to the public for assistance in helping us bridge this vast communication divide”

Dele Dele Dele – how many times did I call your name?  See our new CEO Dele is too much. A doctor by training but he also deserves an honorary degree in grammatology. Left to us, we would have said
“Bros, sis – abeg don’t just sit down, buy ground nut, drink water and for the next 10 hours chop my AC, electricity and wifi. Help a startup na and show small support.” We could say that but that would be crass, demeaning to our customers and potentially detrimental to the efizi packaging we have struggled for so long to maintain. So instead we have Dele who can couch such with words like lingua franca and nourishing and hopefully our new visitors will have mercy on us and help a Nigerian startup. Up you my brother.

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  • Reply Monseeka November 24, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    oh wow, well crafted, very witty and entertaining.

  • Reply Cheryl April 18, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    When will you open in the USA? We need you here. Give Starbucks a run for their money. You have a huge clientele out here!

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